The feeling of emptiness within my mind about an hour or so before going to bed was not a good sign. I sat there; quiet and unresponsive to all and whatever was going on, God only knows what was on the television, but to bed I went, 9pm as usual, accompanied with my headphones on listening to Palm FM.
I love any type of music but I kept changing radio stations as I was convinced I didn’t like anything I was listening to, and found myself becoming more agitated. Around ten PM my “Angel” Elaine came in and we tried to settle down moments later. In what seemed “Nano” seconds to me (But actually an hour or so), the Horror Show “started.
Images of people seemingly going about their business flickered across my eyes, cars, buses, planes and trains ploughed through the ni…ghtmare with ease, taking everybody and everything with it and I found myself screaming warnings, shouting at the top of my voice and my arms flaying about windmill like! My legs ran as hard as they could so I could try and warn people of the oncoming tragedy but they just turned to lead as I strained to put one foot in front of the other.
The outcome I will not write about, but needless to say it wasn’t a happy one. In my dream I just looked on in horror and screamed as loud as I could, if I am honest with myself it’s not a sound I have ever heard before and if I did I would say it wasn’t human. I have tried to re-enact the sound but I am physically unable to. My angel held me tight, dried my tears and the beads of sweat from my face and settled me down again for the night. Within minutes it had started again!!
This time I will not recall what happened as it was very personal, but also very real. What I can say is during this night terror I actually said to myself “This must be a dream and not true, it can’t be!!” I was actually dreaming within a dream, a first for me and very worrying!!! Once again the outcome was horrendous and once again my Angel and saviour were there to help me and calm me down.
As I awoke, eventually, at break of dawn I have never been so relieved to the rays of daylight streaming through our windows. Elaine’s hand immediately stretched out looking for mine as she whispered “Are you ok Norrms? Are you getting up now? I Whisper back “yes” and gently kissed her on the cheek, she looked so tied and yet so grateful to at least get a little interrupted sleep without my agonies of the night disturbing her, for an hour at least.
Never before have a described the contents of my dreams but I do believe that we have to talk about these things because it could be your partner/loved one, relation that is going through the same as me. I hope you don’t mind me sharing a snapshot of last night, and please believe me when I say it was only a snapshot, but hopefully it will help some understand what people with DEMENTIA have to endure sometimes, even though they don’t talk about it.
Love to you all, Norrms and family xxxxxxxx