Experiencing Dementia

Experiencing Dementia.

Sleeping (Or Not)
As I start to write this its 6.32am, been out of bed for a while now, been awake off and on since 4am. Elaine has taken the washing down to the laundry, done the polishing and I am on my second drink of the day. It’s quiet in our house at the moment,  a lot quieter than it was a few hours ago when screams pierced the night air and the nightmares came thick and fast.
This is just another night living with Lewy Body`s.
As soon as I closed my eyes last night the dreams came and went. Images of people’s faces, young, old, happy, distorted flashed in front of my eyes as if my dreams were being put on Fast Forward. Horrific pictures of terrible things burnt into my memory so much so I can remember every detail the day after. During the day I get flashbacks of these happenings which drag me even further into the mire of Depression.
So cruel is this disease of Dementia that it takes away my happy memories and replaces them with those I try to forget!! In my dream state, in the corner of me eye I see a shape coming towards me fast, I try to run but my legs turn to lead, whatever it is gets closer and closer until I feel myself lashing and kicking out, screaming, yet no noise emerging from my lips.
And yet, as I awake, the noise coming from my vocal chords strains at my throat and the scream reverberates around our small bedroom, bouncing off the walls. Elaine is holding me in a vice like grip, and gently begins to rock me as my body shakes and heaves up and down with breathlessness. The rest of the night is not really sleeping. I drift from dream to dream, jumping, twitching, kicking my legs and talking in my sleep yet making no sense. Elaine is by my side, she`s not really sleeping either, just lying there listening to me and making sure I am ok and survive the night terrors that plague me.
Then, as dawn breaks, there doesn’t seem any point in staying in bed any longer. So here I am, telling you my story, as I have before. When will this story ever end? I do not know, but the point is this story must be told and must be shared, because if it isnt told, how will we ever learn? Please don’t pity me, this is my lot, these are the cards I have been dealt, and every morning I wake up and sit down here on this computer is another day I will fight as hard and for as long as I can to raise awareness about this awful illness dementia. I only wear one hat, it doesn’t bother me which kind of dementia it is, Alzheimer’s, Lewy Body’s Vascular, the point is that one day we see a cure for all types of Dementia.
And I for one will not rest until that day comes, even if I could!!!!!!!!!


One thought on “Experiencing Dementia

  1. Thank God for Elaine and her commitment as your companion. I am so glad that you are not going through these nights alone. It isn’t much fun living alone with any kind of issue. Thank you for your courage in writing candidly about these night terrors. It can’t be easy, but it is a good outlet for you and for others like me, it provides an insightful look into someothing that I myself have never experienced living with non-progressive MCI. However, your postings help me to appreciate the struggle that is not mine and yet, I am drawn to pray for you as a fellow human being in the deepest struggle I have ever read about and for Elaine that God will continue to fill her heart with enough love, mercy and grace to see you through each episode. When those days arrive when a cure is found, these postings may become a part of the history leading up to the cure – how marvelous that will be for people of othe future to be able to appreciate how important the cure will be.

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