Sometimes I just sit there, staring into space, trying to remember the days/weeks events. I could always cheat and check my blog or face book, but do you know, sometimes I really don’t want to do that. All I want to do is remember, just like everybody else. All I want to do is sit and giggle at the things we have done together, or at something the children have said or done. It’s not as funny when you read it as if it’s someone else’s words. That`s one of the hardest things for me, it’s always the things that involves my family. I have always been a family man and they have always come first no matter what, but losing memories of them tears at my heart each and every day, unfortunately, nobody or nothing can ease that particular pain.
Sometimes I would love to look back at some old poems I have written or some of my blogs, without scratching my head and thinking “Did I really write that? Did I really feel like that on that particular day? Or even worse “Did I really act like that? Elaine must have been horrified! Or sometimes when I get an e mail asking if I could help with something only to forget it shortly after. I would love to rustle up a good curry, or Bacon Hot pot which I used to cook with pride, but, alas, I am no longer able to do this or even make a cup of tea as I might forget the oven is on or spill boiling water over myself. Yes, my friends, I am one (Sorry) I WAS, one of those strange blokes who used to enjoy cooking.
Sometimes when spring comes around I wish I could get excited about remembering the names of all the plants which are bursting into bloom, or remember the ones I used to grow from seed. Elaine says there are not many flowers or vegetables in the UK I haven’t grown!! I only wish I could remember which!! When I walk through the complex where I live I wish I could remember all those people’s names that remember mine and say good morning or goodnight, or even have a conversation about what was the latest news on the TV.
These may seem like such little things to some people and not that relevant or important, but to myself, and I am sure others who have this terrible disease (dementia ) , they mean the world of difference! To be able to function everyday without fear or fortune of what I may have done or said earlier, or not remembering if I have upset a loved one or not and their own politeness stops them from mentioning it to me for fear of upsetting me.
Sometimes, my dear friends, just sometimes, I wish for the same thing we all wish for…………………………..
Norrms and family